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IsleofMan
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Name: Jono
Birthday: 11/18/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Percussion, Football the real kind - not the American Crap, surfing, basketball, sports of all kinds
Expertise: Penguin Kickball, Cops and Robbers, Hiding from Thijs, being as cool as Jen, water fights and pillow fights
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  jono1811
Member Since:
8/17/2005
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| The Good Samaritan
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.
"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota,
I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a
young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and
smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring
and threw it on the ground.
" I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago." | | |
| The Pilot
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Years ago, I was enthralled as I listened to a pastor who for several years had faithfully served the church. His executive responsibilities had taken him all over this country. As he concluded his message, he told of one of the most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.
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He had been on a long flight from one place to another. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on Fasten your seat belts. Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
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As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
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And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightning lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.
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The pastor confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying. The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm
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Then, I suddenly saw a little girl. Apparently the storm meant nothing to her! She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat; she was reading a book and everything within her small world was calm and orderly.
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Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world.
When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid. The minister could hardly believe his eyes.
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It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, our pastor lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time. Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.
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The child replied, "Cause my Daddy's the pilot, and he's taking me home."
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There are many kinds of storms that buffet us. Physical, mental, financial, domestic, and many other storms can easily and quickly darken our skies and throw our plane spinning out of
control. We have all known such times, and let us be honest and confess, it is much easier to be at rest when our feet are on the ground than when we are being tossed about a darkened sky.
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Just remember: Our Father is the Pilot. He is in control and taking us home! | | |
| HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!! | | |
| "That was a sight, eh Mary, that was!
You were so big, 40 weeks, out to here,
the pony nodding with each hoof set down,
both of us grumbling of Caesar and census;
the first time I saw you crabby!
I can still see the stare of that innkeeper --
beard full of betelnut juice, and smelling of goat fat;
the sharp look that wife of his gave him while clearing the table,
him sighing and scratching his elbow, and offering the stable.
I can still feel the tickle of straw in my sandal,
hear the sound of your gasping
as I ran for the innkeeper's wife, warm water and rags;
my stomach's somersault,
that untried cry,
the way my heart lurched and stumbled and I knew right them
that our life would change
in ways unimagined.
Remember him lying there after you nursed him,
asleep in the feed trough,
the sweet features peaceful and even,
the soft fingers curling,
his fine hair stirred by the moist, heavy breath of a cow...
What did we know from raising messiahs --
all the politics, hiding from Herod,
wondering where it would end.
But God knew that we were babies ourselves,
and sending dreams and angels and Magi
and Anna and Simeon
made sure we were sure He was there.
And the lives we've lived since then!
What hurt, and what turmoil!
What heavy love and excitement,
black night,
and incomprehensible light!
More joy than my heart could hold...
Wasn't He -- isn't He astounding, Mary!
I'm old now, creaky of bone,
my eyes and my hearing are almost gone,
but even today I can feel him within me --
so simple,
so splendid a Son."
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| YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ..
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5 4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 ....
If you haven't, add 1755. 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE!
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